I am sprawled out where I fell. Sprawled like a snow angel rolled down the hill and covered in sparkling sugar. My hat has escaped; it is a bright blue dot halfway up the hillside, but my boots have stayed on and one glove too. The lost hat is how I know it was a good ride down - I can't remember any specifics. I push up, face full of snow, laughing at the thrill of the ride. Laughing at the memory of pushing off down the icy hill, holding my sister around the middle, smelling her hair, starting at the best place to catch the most speed.
I push up and roll over, sitting up and looking around for my sled, for my sister, younger and lighter, who was in front. I look for her snowsuit and see a pink leg above me on the crest of the small rise on which the school track sits. The track is surrounded by a fence, chain link and strong, reinforced by bars to keep out animals. I reach for the leg above me. Her face appears by the leg, laughing, bright with blood and mouth open. Blood everywhere, she is laughing, I am screaming.
She sees my fear and screams herself - gingerly touching where her mouth should be.
Miscellaneous acquaintances just now noticed run to us slowly through the snow. I am paralyzed, unable to climb up the few feet between. I sit below, gripping her leg. She flew higher before slamming into a bar, meant to protect, creating red - bright in the sun and already freezing on the snow.
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3 comments:
Wow--what a great visual image. All that white snow and red blood. In a way, I read it without sound even though there is laughter. Until the laughter turns to screams, it seems like the picture is soundless.
I think you do a great job of showing this moment between two sisters, the orange leg sticking up in the snow, the responsibility and guilt the older sister feels. Great job!
my favorite parts are "smelling her hair" and the bit about the bar that was meant to protect, keep animals out - reinforces the sinister aspect of the whole scene, while the part about the sister's hair is homey, caring - gone wrong.
The visual images were gripping. I especially liked the moment where the younger sister, who is in the space of surprise and enjoyment the older sister was initially in, learns about herself, about something being wrong, by seeing it in her older sister's face. Laughter turned to screams. Very realistic.
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