A space for current and past Grub Street Jumpstart students to continue our conversations about writing, ask questions, share work, and create community. Some of you don't know each other YET but what you do have in common is a love and talent for writing. Mix it up!
4 comments:
I think this is done! Submit it!
Two little things: "from" is typed "form" in the paragraph that starts "I smell of freezing flesh..."
And I wonder if the second to last sentence might be streamlined: cut "cold" perhaps b/c it is in the first paragraph (she jumps on a cold night, the night before, yes?) and it is implied in February. And cut "cinematic" perhaps? I like the "flat luminesence" on its own, but that might not give the same sense of a still photo that you might be seeking here. It's a great piece for Flash Fiction.
I really liked the line in the original about Vera's inability to master the indifferent gaze of a whore because it gives her an innocence. This piece definitely makes the characters more evenly sympathetic and motivations more ambiguous. I love it.
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